should probably be that when all is said and done, you have an embarrassment of riches.

Yet we’re trained to aim higher, and ignore the fact that there is a majority of the world below us. Education traps us in the context of where we started and who we want to be - it’s great for career progression, but it robs us of perspective. 

We aren’t selfish people, we just hate guilt. We hate guilt enough to ignore things that make us feel guilty and hope they go away. 

There’s a joy in facing guilt that awaits those who are brave enough to take it on. 

Yet, most of us only work here…
Do you mind holding? 

Looking over my superannuation statement. A thoughtful moment, No matter how much of my money those clowns at AMP lose, i’ll still have enough to get by. 

Atrocities happen while we’re distracted fighting for trivial percentages. 

Some people have real problems. 

Twitter’s over capacity and your football team lost and that person you’ve got a crush on didn’t write back to your text from like 2 hours ago and your dogs sick and you need to pay the vet bills but you already spent your spare cash on a fine you got for riding on a train without a valid ticket in the wrong zone and you forgot your concession card. 

Some people have real problems

Bartenders and the Christian right. Two things that won’t change in the event of a vampire attack.

Labor’s strategy for the Gillard era could well have been inspired by Winter Olympic luge. The hard work is done, now it’s time to lay back and let the momentum carry them home. 

The hard work was as hard as it’s ever been. Negotiating a minority government, and then lining up those very temperamental dominos to pass some controversial bills. Add to that a circling and hostile Tony Abbott, leadership speculation and a nasty nosedive in the polls, this was a true Nurofen period for those in the lodge. 

Sure, they’ve lost some paint, but the Prime Minister has survived. In fact, survived is probably an unfair term, given the impressive reforms she’s managed to force through the parliament. The carbon price, amongst a stench of confusing rhetoric is beginning to lose it’s fear factor, the mining tax has majority support and her handling of the QANTAS saga was praised by many. 

The question now though, to quote the PM, is what will happen ‘moving forward’. 

The outlook, admittedly a long way out, is positive. Tony Abbott is fast running out of ammunition. The government’s last few months, which at times seemed to be a disorganised rabble, may prove brilliant timing as Abbott is embarrassed by his hysteric claims of economic destruction. The recovery has started, and if the new taxes can deliver a rebound in consumer confidence, we may see the remarkable situation of an opposition stretching for points to criticise. 

There are still some hurdles for Gillard to get over, and this opposition have proven themselves as opportunists, but if momentum is worth anything in this game you’d be silly to write off the ALP… yet.

I have been, and will continue to be, heavily against Occupy Melbourne. There are just too many unanswered questions for me, the whole thing seems to have been overrun by confused teenage anarchists, and i’m still not sure what they want.

Here are my reasons for being against the whole thing:

1. I’m still not sure what they’re yelling about.

These protesters have some good chants and slogans, but I haven’t heard one spokesperson for the event with the ability to make any sort of cohesive argument or justification for why they are there. In my opinion, a protest needs to have a specific grievance and a proposed solution. Occupy, in Australia at least, seems misguided and/or confused, which reduces it to illegal camping.

2. You’re claiming to speak on behalf of people without their consent. 

The 99% thing I take offense to. Democracy is based on majority rules. If you really are the 99%, nominate some leaders and elect them to Parliament. Of course that won’t work, because in reality you don’t have the numbers. Real change is possible in this country, but you need majority support. The majority now see the movement as ‘them hippies that blocked my tram from taking me home’. Which leads me to…

3. Public support is necessary, and you blew it. 

Despite the confused nature, I had no issue with Occupy until yesterday. The message all along was ‘we are here to send a message, but we will leave when we are asked’. Yesterday, you were asked, and you didn’t. The public, who you need to win power in a democracy, were confused and angry at you. Police were taken from their actual duties to supervise you, and you caused traffic chaos in a city which is gridlocked at the best of times.

4. Australia is a bloody good place to live.

You have some many opportunities to send a message, and make it as anti-government as you like. We have a free media market, allowing you to spread whatever ideas you feel. The police will work with you to ensure protests are safe and don’t inconvenience others. I’m still not quite sure why Occupy felt it had to go above and beyond what was reasonable?

All in all, this confused message was lost, the police and commuters (presumably part of your 99%) were the real losers out of this. The only appropriate thing to do is for the organisers to stand up and apologise for yesterday, lay low for a while and only come back when you have something useful to say. 

Mr. Allan ASHER
C/O The Ombudsman’s office.
Canberra, Australia.

Mr. Asher,
Ahh, what a tough life it is. You may have lost your job, but be assured you can walk away with dignity. 

There are no hearts in Canberra, and the partisan vultures were bound to get to you one day. If there was any justice in this world, those Newspoll junkies would forgive your one mistake in an otherwise stellar career. A fate like you’ll face today would be reserved for swine like Craig Thomson. 

But alas, those who should have had your back and left you for the wolves had no choice. We live with the politics of fear. It’s on a knifes edge and everyone’s so anxious they don’t really know what they’re supposed to be doing anymore. You’re a victim of circumstance, Mr. Asher, an example of the gaping hole between justice and politics. 

I wish you the best, I hope your future is full of fortune. Craig Thomson will die a liar and a thief. You will live as a man of honour and integrity.

There always a place for you at the After Party.
Best regards,

-Anthony Bieniak
afterpartyaustralia.com 

The whole country is in for a rental inspection… Our national landlord is here, hide the bongs and find the vacuum… and for gods sake put some pants on for this.

The queen used to be revered as a kind of international mother. That maternal pat on the shoulder that believed in us. We were a bad seed I guess, born of a criminal nature that needed to be expelled from ol’ England before we really stunk up the place. 

Today though, I imagine the Queens visit will be met with a collective ‘meh..’. She’ll never know this, and that is no accident. We will show her a hell of a time, take her around the nice country we have built. Again, like a rental inspection, hoping she doesn’t ask to take a look in the spare bedroom where we hid the more ‘likely-to-get-us-evicted’ stuff. The Queen won’t be taken to Port Melbourne, that’s for sure. 

The difference between now and 1950 is that we want more. The Queen just doesn’t do enough. Content is king in the digital world, and the Queen has very little. We’re not offended she’s here, the Republic argument is pretty well over. We’d just rather watch something else. 

Kids these days want blood and sex and explosions. Twitter feeds and constant insights. We want Ricky Nixon fucking children. Plot twists. Excitement. 

The problem the Queen has is that we could write the stories of her trip already. It’s all organised, to a tee. The plot is written, nothing to see here. Move on. 

And most of us will…

Well, open up a bottle sonny, i’m back, and there’s no punches pulled… firebombs on tawdry houses… Glorious naked bodies strewn across the streets… Human trafficking and a dead Samaritan. This is Melbourne baby, Circa 2011

Justice has always been a set of scales, finely balanced. The top brass know that crime has to exist, and the best place for it is out of the papers. Potheads still vote, that’s the unfortunate truth, so if we go locking up every dealer in town that’s bed news for Mr. Premier. They can run wild, just don’t let anybody die.

Long story short, if you’re wanting any kinda success on the darker side of life, it’s not the police you should be afraid of. The pen is mightier than the sword, Neil Mitchell is armed to the fucking teeth.

And when it’s balanced, it works. But, as the old saying goes, it’s all fun and games until someone tries to rescue your Korean sex slave and you smash their head in with an iron bar in the heart of South Melbourne. 

Woah, woah, woah. The cycle is spinning now. It’s front page news. The cops had to leave the course at the 8th hole, and they’re pissed. 

And not just them, now every brothel in town is in the gun and The Age reveals the horrifying truth. And the cops and the press bring panic, and people start dying. This is only the beginning.

The firebombs are already flying kid, best lay low and hit Redtube for the next few weeks..

Life is power, power is poison. Love is the antidote.

Strap yourselves to power poles and hope it rains.